The Rainbow of Relationships
If you have been following this blog you know I have recently had My Love move out and my relationship of 5 years has ended. I am continuing to walk through this sad and confusing time and I wanted to take a break from writing about it and put my focus elsewhere, well sort of.
I was thinking the other day about the various people in my life and how each person plays a different role. I never really thought I compartmentalized my relationships but through observation I was able to recognize how the people in my life story were significant in a myriad of ways but also very individualized ways too.
I would say my most important relationship, outside of myself, is my mom. We have been on a relationship journey, outside the normal parent/child dynamic, for over 30 years. I know she is in my life to teach me and I certainly have felt an amazing amount of love and support through difficult times and especially recently. She is my “go to gal”. I call her at any time day or night and she is available to hear me. I am able to tell her what I need and she respects and works very hard to provide the specific emotional support I am asking for. She cheers me on, even when I feel like I am dragging my ass along in life. She tells me I am doing great and also confronts my unproductive behaviors and thoughts. She is a constant source of support and I am blessed to have her in my life. We haven’t always had this relationship, like I said it has been years in the making, but it has grown to something very deep and very valuable to me. I am grateful.
Stemming from there, because I see her as my core support, I have been surprised by the unfolding of connectedness from a variety of people that has occurred during this time period for me. My son had an interesting conversation with me, explaining to me how men operate (through his eyes), need space to figure things out and seemingly can usually focus on one thing at a time. His youthful and honest insights brought me some peace when I was feeling turmoil.
I have my friend M, who has approached me with nonjudgmental support, especially throughout this process and also is a soul sister for me. We can talk about our desire to self reflect, our attempts to be more loving and accepting of ourselves and others, as well as share our shitty thoughts about life as we know it. I can go to her and say, “what do I do?” and she most often replies, “you’re doing it and you’re doing it great!” M will leave her house and husband, (who is a total gem btw), to meet me for a martini so I can express my crazy thoughts about my plans to sell everything in my house and move to another country to try to get over My Love and she will calmly say, “well maybe you want to take some time and think on that one”. We laugh, we cry and most of all we share. She sees Me and that is an amazing gift she gives me.
Now, L is my balls to the wall gal pal. She has taken me out to let my hair down, so to speak, even when all I wanted to do was cry. I have gone to her many times and she is the tougher no BS voice in my life. I was trying to get My Love to move his stuff out, in my time, and when he seemed to be dragging his feet a bit, L said “sell his shit on craigslist and give him the cash”. Another suggestion was, “bag that shit up and set it out front”. She was also the friend who sent me a link to a cowboy dating site the day she heard My Love had moved out. She thought the best thing would be to move on. Although her approach is not necessarily my way of doing things, I always feel a sense of solidarity from her. She has also communicated that no matter what she and her husband will be here for me AND My Love. That also has brought me comfort because we have both always benefitted from the friendship of L and her husband. They have and will always be our family.
Now in this rainbow of relationships there are others who have played a role. Clients who have become friendly over the years have shown support by laughing with me, encouraging me, bringing me gifts and always offering prayers or positive thoughts that all will work out for the best.
I also have peripheral friends who have reached out and said how disappointed and shocked they are and that if I need anything to let them know. I get sent fun photos that will hopefully lighten my days as well as messages about keeping my head high and chin up as this will all pass. Most of all, people want to make it clear I am not alone. Not in this process and not in life.
Fostering these relationships are important and require different skills for the depth of each diverse connection. It is imperative I give each person the time and attention necessary to maintain the ties that exist. The energy I put into each relationship varies, from day to day and often season to season. The efforts still need to be present so these valuable partnerships can grow.
I know this is my journey, my life is mine and in fact I am alone. It is my responsibility to see me, love me, take care of my needs. It has felt wonderful to feel the support and love from so many people. It’s been nice to know, in times of joy or in times of sadness, my experiences, my “lone” walk through life, is made vibrant with my rainbow of relationships.
Thank you all.