I was driving to work the other day and saw an opening in the clouds and felt inspired to pray. My prayers are generally directed toward the universe and the general good that exists out in the world.
I was inspired to pray because my boyfriend has moved out, determining he needs to figure out some of his own issues. There has been a time frame set on this break, which could eventually lead to a break up. I have been devastated, and processing my own feelings of loss and aloneness.
So I began to ask the universe to please lead My Love back home. I continued with, change his heart fast and don’t make this a long process. As I said these words I realized I wasn’t giving anything up to the universe, I still believed I knew what was best and all I was asking for was what I wanted.
Letting go. I let go of My Love only because he walked out the door, only after he had used a crow bar to disconnect my hands from around his ankles. Having him leave has allowed me the opportunity to experience letting go of the results I think would be best. Do I still want him home? Yes, but differently because as he has said, what we had was good but we both want great.
I have had many opportunities in my life to practice letting go of what I want as an end result but perhaps this is the first time I am allowing it to happen with love and the presence of both myself and the other person. In the past I have allowed my emotions to dictate what I want, forgetting if I open my heart and mind, my greatest desires will be fulfilled.
I have to accept responsibility for closing a part of me that stores my desires and wants. Were some of my needs being met? Yes! Was I happy? Absolutely! Yet, I still denied other wants, romance, fire, and passion. I let them go.
I need to be sure when I am in a relationship that all parts exist that I want present. I need to be sure I don’t let go of me. It’s very easy to love and give, for me, its what I do best. But I need to be sure I am loved back with the same intensity and the same fire that I am giving.
So, My Love, I let you go. I let you go to find your greatest light, love and happiness. Now don’t get me wrong, my belief is he can find that here. We can create magic here. But I can’t be the magician and the lovely assistant. I need a partner to make this show a success.
My Love, I let you go so I can have my greatest light, love and happiness. I await what the universe will provide. I wait with my heart wide open. I move forward, letting go of the grief, anger, pain and open for joy and love. And hope our paths will cross again.
I let you go.